Why Is A Wife The Goal?

22 years. I think I've reached the age where I can't act like a stupid kid anymore (although Pokemon Go may change that). 22 years of seeing my family grow and age with me. 22 years of seeing friends come and go. 22 years of making new friendships and watching friendships disintegrate. 22 years of the single life; the best life.

That's right ladies and gentlemen. 22 years of being single, and it's the best life. I know I may sound like a girl who internally is dying for a relationship, but believe me, I'm not. The question I get all the time is "How have you been single your whole life?" Can you all stop asking me this question please? I've been single, because I want to be.

Do I have flings? Absolutely, but they never last more than three weeks and then wither away. The reason I want to be single is so different than what most assume. People assume that I'm too "independent" (whatever that means) for a relationship. I take that as the compliment. Here's why:

Being "too independent" means I put my needs, friends, family, career and
everything else first. I care so much about my friends and family; seeing them succeed is the best high in the world. Knowing that a friend of mine just got hired was an amazing feeling. Knowing that my brother got his permit (Lord save us) is fantastic. Seeing my career progress day by day is so fulfilling.

I put more energy towards success than I ever would towards a boyfriend. Seeing your dreams become reality is so much better than a relationship, in my opinion. Knowing that you gave your all towards your career and for it to pay off is the best high. I'm in a committed relationship with making my career goals become a reality.

If you really think about it, a relationship is just glorified eating, sleeping, talking and intercourse. Why is that something that people want to aspire to? Why is it that when I tell people I have zero intention of ever getting married or having kids that I'm seen as a "disappointment" or "aggressive?"  Why is being a wife the best acheviement for a woman?

"Being married means you get to share your life with someone." I do that already with my family and my friends who have been there before a man will walk into the picture. "You'll change your mind when you meet the right person." Or I'll just continue to live my regular life and enjoy my friends and my family. "You'll die alone." Ok, cool. Is that supposed to scare me?

Why is being alone such a scary thing for people to accept? Being alone allows you to discover your inner self. Just recently, I put my phone down in a different room, grabbed my old writing pad, put on some Rolling Stones and just started writing. That free write was the most eye-opening thing I've done in months. Everyone should do that to see what your mind is capable of creating. It's astonishing.

Being alone also has great perks. I get a whole queen bed to myself (which is amazing). I save a BOATLOAD of money. I get to spend more time with my friends and family. I have the opportunity to meet new people on a regular basis. I can do basically anything I want when I want. That is immensely freeing.

As I continue on in my life, this mindset can change. I'm not rigid in this mindset, but it's what I've known for 22 years. I've loved every minute of it. So I'm going to keep living my life, the single life and the best life for as long as God lets me.

Home is Where the Heart is

As I sit here in my living room, I start to think about my time here in my amazing hometown of Chicago. I've spent my entire life, almost 21 years, here in the city with the occasional time spent in Athens, Ohio. It's hitting me that this is most likely my last summer here in this house, in this neighborhood, and in this city for many years.

I've never moved out of this house; I've only switched bedrooms. I've lived in this neighborhood my entire life. I've scraped my knees on every single square of cement, thrown racquet balls at countless porch steps, and shot many baskets in my alleyway. I've thrown the pigskin around my front lawn, played running bases between the same two trees, and played baseball at the same mock diamond for 21 years.

This reflection has made me realize that the saying "you are where you come from" is extremely valid. Yes, I know this refers to your family upbringing and cultural ties, but there are many other factors that shape who you are. The countless memories I have on this block is something I think about everytime I drive down the street or the alleyway.

Every time I walk by the tree with the now removed face, I think of the amount of times I slid into first base at the base of the tree. I think of the time J.J. ripped the face off the tree when I was 9. I think of the times Dean, Joey, Reilly, and I would sit in the grass, sharpening sticks and talking about God knows what.

Every time I look in my backyard, I think of the times that Billy, Tom, Charlie, and every guy I know would dunk me in that pool. I think of every cookout the Bells had over 20 years with the same people who became our family. I remember every July 4th where I would sit on my deck, looking at the countless fireworks lighting up the sky. I think of the countless splinters I had, the fireflies I would catch, the sparklers I would line our sidewalk, and the bottle rockets we lit off our deck.

Every time I walk up my steps, I look to my right and see my neighbor's front steps. All the times Dean, Reilly, Joey, Jake and I would grab a racquet ball and play pinners for hours. All the times we would make his sidewalk home plate and play quick games of baseball with that same racquet ball and whiffle bat. All the memories where we've slid into home with bruised knees and scraped legs.

Every time I take out the trash to my alley, I look at the asphalt and think of the hours I spent trying to perfect my jump shot. The hours I would beg Joey to teach me the spider or the hypnotizer. The one and only time I beat Reilly in a one-on-one game with a bank shot from the fence. The time where the guys and I would run down the alley after Jake was hit by a car while on a go-cart.

Every trip I make to Walgreens, I think about the hot summer days where we would trek to the store to grab Gatorade and gum. The days we would sit to wait for the bus to head to Six Corners. The times we would walk to Shabonna to play football in the field.

Every time I look at my house, I think of the days we would sit on my steps years later, catching up and reminiscing. I remember when I saw my mom bring my brother and sister home for the first time. I think of every piece of trash I threw in those bushes after coming home from grade school. I remember every front porch conversation I've had with my parents.

Every time I walk through my house, I remember the old, butt ugly yellow kitchen we used to have. I remember seeing my brother and sister take their first steps. I remember screaming for joy in my dining room when I was accepted into Fenwick, and four years later when I made my decision to go to Ohio.

Although I've gone through a lot of downfalls and negatives in my life, this neighborhood and the memories I have here are some of my greatest moments. This neighborhood is me in a nut shell: beat up but still strong, old but youthful, changing but classic. This place, this block, this house, and these people will always be in my heart, because it's my home. Thank you Chicago for the 20+ years of hospitality, memories, and friends you've given me. Hopefully, I'll be back one day as an older, wiser, and stronger individual, ready to come home for good.

Death of Personal Beauty

I'm just going to take a second and let you grasp what this post is going to be about: death. No one likes to write about issues like this. That's what the obituaries are for: reporting people that have died. A girl who is only a sophomore in college has no right or experience to speak about death and the toll it has on a person's life. Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know that age was a factor. Sorry to burst your bubble buddy, but until you have walked in my shoes for a day, then just quiet down for a hot second.

Death. Death means many things; it could mean the death of a person, an idea, a trend, or a soul. It could mean that someone has brutally attacked another person that caused the victim to re-evaluate everything in their life. It could also mean that someone was physically attacked with a gun, knife, cancer, or disease that took them away from this planet.

In today's society, it seems like the latter is happening to people at younger and younger ages. Just recently in Chicago, a 14 year old shot and killed another classmate. Take that in for a moment. A 14 year old used a gun to kill another classmate. What was the motive? It's unknown at this point in the investigation.

That's just in a neighborhood. I'm going to let you into my walled up life to see what death of a human being can do to someone. In my short span of almost 20 years on this great Earth of ours, I have lost 15 people in my life, ranging from family members to best friends. To sum it up: I'll just give you a list real quick:
 - I saw my best friend's body(he was 18) hanging from a rafter at the age of 14
 - My grandfather, two uncles, and cousin died of cancer
 - Six close friends of mine died from drug overdosees (All were 14, 15, 17, 18, 20, and 22)
 - A classmate of mine drowned (He was 17)
 - An infant of a family friend of mine died of downs syndrome (She was 3)
 - Another best friend of mine was shot and killed by a gang member (He was 24)
 - Another close friend of mine died of alcohol poisoning on her 21st birthday

All of these happened in span from 2009-2014. In a span of 5 years, I have lost 15 people close to me in my life. Do you notice something that is consistent? Excluding the family members, all these deaths are happening to youth, young adults, even infants.

In today's society, there are MILLIONS of pressures put on youth that so many people do not even realize stress out these children. Parental pressure to get the best grades, sibling comparison to why you aren't as athletic or intelligent, peer pressure to do drugs or drink early on, media pressures to look a certain way, and personal pressures to be successful.

Some people cannot handle these stressors in a healthy way. All of my friends that committed suicide or died of drug overdose were ridiculously stressed out. The reason my friends did drugs was to escape reality and the stress of the real world. They didn't have a healthy outlet to relieve their stress; they decided to shoot up, snort, or smoke instead. It put them in a different realm where the real world didn't matter for a few moments. That realm needs to exist outside of a drug high.

Here's a message to all these people: STOP PUTTING PRESSURE ON THESE CHILDREN.

Parents, stop comparing your children to their siblings. John Doe will never be the same as Mary Doe and vice versa. Even if Mary is the star child, athlete, or whatever, don't compare John to her. He has a different skill set than her; he has different talents than her. No two people are ever the exact same; stop trying to make it that way.

Peers and friends: don't pressure people to do things they don't want to do. If someone does not want to drink, don't call them a loser, dork, wuss, etc. Just accept it and live your life. Stop trying to control their actions. They are their own person and will do what they want to do. Let them make their own decisions and live through their mistakes or successes. It's not your place to mold them to be your perfect friend.

The media, oh boy. I am a part of the media; I am a journalist. I know the pressures the media is putting on society, and I am a part of it. Honestly, these media personnel, especially Hollywood, stop defining beauty. As cliche as this may sound, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." What one person finds attractive in one person, someone else may not find attractive.

For example, I know many girls that find very buff, ripped men very attractive. Personally, those people scare me; they look like they have bowling balls in their body. I find a man in a suit 1,000 times more attractive than a guy in a bro tank and salmon-colored shorts.

There are differences among people; stop trying to create this "perfection" image. It's not about what the people look like, well slightly. It's about the personality that's attached to it. I know MANY men that are ridiculously attractive but treat me like I'm a piece of meat. I am not your slave; I am an independent woman that will tell you to get off your own two feet and get yourself a sandwhich. I am not here to serve you; I am here because we both are attracted to each other, physically and emotionally.

Ladies, embrace yourself. Give yourself confidence and work your flaws. These stressors that society, parents, peers, and siblings are using against you? Push them aside and just work through it. Be strong and confident about yourself, both physically and emotionally. Not everyone can fit the 5'6" skinny, blonde, tan, athletic housewife stereotype that society is making us buy. I know I sure don't. I'm 6'1" and believe me when I say that men are intimidated by my height alone. It's quite frustrating.

Men, the same goes for you. You don't have to look like Ryan Gosling or David Beckham. That's what we have them for, to look at. What we want from you? A caring, chivalrous, supportive, humorous partner in life. We're not looking for a father or a slave master; we're looking for someone to be our partner and support us emotionally; someone that loves us for how big our personality is, not how big our rack is.

These stressors are causing these youthful deaths. Stop pushing these pressures on the youth. Another cliche, but this generation is the future. Stop pressuring us to be something we are not. We are who we want to be. You're going to have to accept it and deal with.

Tragedies Keep Rolling

I thought I have experienced a taste of everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. Apparently, life decided to throw a few curveballs my way and blow my mind. Let me give you a bit of a back story just so you know what I mean how I have experienced many things in my short span of life.

First off, over a span of four years, I have lost 13 people that I hold near and dear to my heart. At my young age, I have already lost multiple family members, classmates, and best friends. They have all passed in different ways, ranging from cancer to drug overdose to drowning. This has taken a toll on me emotionally and mentally. I can barely recall the last time I cried, and I have learned to suppress emotion to the point where I can get sick.

Secondly, at the age of 16, my family was on the verge of losing my home. Imagine back to when you were a teenager. You probably did not worry much about family finances, taking care of much younger siblings on a daily basis, or finding ways to help the family save every single penny. Your mind was probably on what you want to do for prom, when you can see your friends this weekend, and what college you will be attending shortly. I was worrying about all the things listed, as well as how I could afford college, athletics, and extracurriculars.

Finally, I did not have one person that I could call a friend until I was 16. Imagine not having a single person that would be with you consistently, through all the ups and downs, good and bad times, and everything in between for 16 years of your life. I was horribly treated by people who I thought were my friends, and the ones that I was close to ended up passing away before I went to high school.

Just recently, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer for the third time in her life. I know that I am on the verge of losing another person that I hold close to my heart and love deeply. I now have to suppress more emotion to not show weakness.

There is a lot more to my story, but I am not here to list my past problems. I am here to help inspire you, the reader. I have experienced many tragedies in my incredibly short lifetime. What is the point of me "whining" to you? To let you know that a tragedy does make you stronger. All these tragedies have taught me three things that I want to pass on to you:

1) Life is way too short for regrets. I lost someone who was only 17 when he passed. He lived life to the fullest, and I am doing the same thing. I do everything with a purpose and a reason, and I will make sure that it gets done.

2) People will come and go from your life, and you must learn how to cope with it. Most of the people that passed away all died the end of my freshman year and beginning of my sophomore year of high school. I had to learn how to still put a smile on my face while internally I was crying and screaming. I learned how to move on when something horrible happens in my life.

3) Love yourself, and surround yourself with people who love you for you. I will be honest: I absolutely hated myself when I was younger. I did not like the person I saw in the mirror every morning. I created a fake personality, fake past, and fake persona to make myself socially acceptable. When I was in my junior year, I met someone that I praise and thank God everyday for being in my life: my best friend. She saved me from myself and introduced me to myself. I met people who loved me for me, not the fasad I had on for almost all of high school. Since then, I now have a better self-image and love me for me.

I know all three of these things sound incredibly generic; they are all true. All three of these things are ideals that have made me love myself again. Now I can wake up every morning with a purpose in life, look in the mirror, and not hate the reflection. It is an incredible feeling that I hope I can pass on to others across the globe. Let all the tragedies that roll into your life make you ten times stronger.