Tuesday, October 16, 2018

I'm Back

A full year went by without updating this blog. To be completely honest, I didn't mean for that to happen.

This past year from September of 2017 to now has been the biggest roller coaster I've faced thus far. I had a massive change of bosses at a job, got a new job, moved, made and lost friends, started and ended a relationship; it's just been a whirlwind.

I'm not going to dive into details for the privacy of some people. However, that year, I felt that I was at my lowest point in my career and in my own head. I wasn't seeing progress at my job. I felt trapped, so much so that it started to drastically affect my health. I was so stressed that I dropped a disgusting amount of weight, my hair started to thin out; I just looked sickly.

I wasn't able to be myself. I felt that I lost my own personality and my own sense of self. I was putting on such a front to just get through the work day and to get through the complete depression I was in for a full year. Karli was gone. There was some other spirit or soul taking over, and it just wasn't me.

In March of 2018, I thought that my career was over. I had a contract coming up, and I wasn't getting a single hit on jobs. I always told myself I will never be unemployed again after the month and a half after college of unemployment. I did not want to move back in with my parents. I was questioning whether or not I was cut out for this industry. I was in a full panic mode.

April was a new beginning. I started to get hits on jobs, and I landed one; right back home in Illinois. In June of 2018, I left the town of Hazard, Kentucky and moved back to the Midwest to Springfield, Illinois. In the three months I've been back in my second home of Central Illinois, I have never been happier.

I finally found myself again. I wasn't this angry, wretched, negative person anymore. I put weight back on, I was glowing, I was smiling constantly. Even my mom noticed how genuinely happy I was being out of the South. I was surrounded by my friends and family who I was seperated from by over 500 miles for two years.

I look back on this past year, and I said some nasty things to people who didn't deserve it. I apologize to those people. There are some things I regret doing in this past year, especially to some people. I am truly sorry if I did hurt you. I'm not making excuses, but that person a year ago was not Karli Bell.

This person now in October of 2018 is Karli. Do I regret moving to Kentucky? Absolutely not. I learned a lot about myself, about what I want in a job, what I want in a friend, what I want in a relationship and what I want to see happen in my future. I couldn't have learned that if I didn't go through those struggles.

Now, I'm in full control of my destiny and my future. I have my goals set (knowing me, it's obviously on a ridiculously detailed timeline). I have a list of what I want to acheive in this first year here in Springfield.

Karli Bell is back.