Oh 2016...

The end of the year is nearing which means time for a reflective piece on this past year. Just kidding. You can go and read everyone's Facebook statuses on New Year's Eve for that.

This is the time of year where you need to stop thinking about politics, crime and all the negatives that happened this past year. This is the time where you look to your siblings, parents, grandparents, friends, partners, spouses and think about the impact they made on you this past year.

Think about the great times you spent together. Think about the inside jokes that were created. Think about the time they spent with you and just listened so you could vent. Think about the time when you did the same for them. Think about the time when you celebrated that promotion, engagement, graduation or new job.

Think about the times they were there for you at your lowest point. Think about the times you were there for them. Think about all the drama that you fought through and how you came out stronger. Think about that one phone call. Think about that one text message.

Time is precious and what makes it precious is the people that surround you. Make sure you tell them you love them and that you care about them. Instead of binge-watching Netflix, call them and catch up. Instead of whining about the cold, see if they want to build a snowman. Instead of scrolling through Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram, go and take those pictures with them. Instead of thinking you're alone, know that there is at least one person who cares about you. You never realize how important they are until you don't see them everyday.

That's what this holiday season is about: love, family and friends. Spread it.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year.

Am I The Only One?

As almost every millenial does, BuzzFeed videos have become how I waste my time when I'm bored. I love the content they create; it ranges from tasting different types of food/alcohol to talking about serious issues like body image. I've seen so many different types of videos, and the body image ones always capture my attention.

One of my favorites they created was when people lived without a mirror/reflective surfaces for a week. As I watched this, it showed me more about the ridiculous amount of reflective surfaces we have in this world. It's quite terrifying. At the end of the video, the women participants discussed how they feel when they look in the mirror. Almost all of them had extremely negative things to say about themselves.

Am I the only one who can look in a mirror and love everything I see?

And why is it that when I say that, the first thought that runs through your head is this: "God, she is so full of herself. She's so narcissitic."

Let me explain why I think this. I was blessed to grow up with a loving family and with a great group of guy friends. When I was a little girl, I was bullied all the time. I was skinny-shamed back in the early 2000s (that's right; it happened then, too) and made fun of my bad teeth. I did have crooked teeth, and I was very skinny; I still am.

That affected me to a point, but the guys I grew up with never once commented on my appearance unless it was in a positive way or there was something in my teeth. Then I realized something. The only people who ever commented on my appearance negatively were women. That's it. Those people were the only people who criticized how I looked in a negative light.

Women, why do we do this? Why are we bringing each other down? Everyone is different. Everyone has a different silhoutte, hair, weight, skin color, skin complexion, smile, everything. Differences are what make everyone beautiful. If everyone looked the same, then life would be so dull and boring.

I am so blessed I grew up with guys who loved me because of my personality and who I am as a person. That's why I love how I look in a mirror. I love every part of my body, from my long legs to my non-existent butt (it's straight flatsville back there). All of these differences are a part of who I am. There's a way that we can have every woman love what they see in the mirror.

Women: STOP SHAMING WOMEN. Let's be honest; a compliment from a man (as a heterosexual woman) does nothing for me. It can be construed as so many things that I honestly can't tell if it's genuine. However, ladies, do you not agree that the only time you compliment another woman is when it's a genuine compliment? Women rarely give fake compliments to other women, because we know that most women tear down physical appearance instead of build it up.

If we change this, then the mirror can stop being something women fear. The mirror can be a place where we can boost our self-esteem and love our bodies for what they are. Let's stop tearing down people because we're jealous. Instead, let's love what we see in the mirror and love being you.

To The Friend Who Left My Life

To the friend who left my life:

Remember back to the porch step days, where all we cared about was sharpening sticks? Remember when we used to ride bikes around the block for fun when we actually had a unspoken race? Remember on the rainy days when we would just go for a run to come back, completely out of breath?

I do.

I remember the days when I would sprint up your front steps, through your kitchen, up to your room, just to play Backyard Baseball. I remember when you taught me how to roller blade. I remember when you taught me how to perfect my jump shot. I remember every memory we had, including the bad.

I remember the day you left.

The day you pushed me out of your life. The day where I felt like I lost a part of me. The day you told me the truth. I was heartbroken. I felt like the only person who's been there with me since day one decided that our friendship that blossomed over 15 years didn't mean anything. Instead of fighting, I let you go.

But I still cared.

I would check in with your family to see how you were doing. I was so proud when you graduated from high school and eventually college. I was so happy for you when you got in a good relationship. I was always there for you, even when you didn't want me there.

Until you came to me.

Until that night you finally texted me after four years of the silent treatment. I still question why you came to me. In the back of your mind, you knew that I would always be there for you, through the good and bad, the thick and thin, the beautiful and the ugly, every moment. After that night, we never spoke again. I haven't seen you since. You completely shut me out of your life; you shut all of us out.

I still love you.

Just waiting for you

I know that our futures will collide again. I know that one day, you'll come to realize that what started the fight was so small, so miniscule, so meaningless. After everything you did to me, everything you put me through, every mind game you played, every emotion you brought out of me, I still forgave you. That's how much you mean to me.

I will never forget the memories we've had; you won't either. The innocent days, the carefree years, the days that I will cherish, because that's when you were really you. As you grew up, you changed into something you're not. I hope that's changed.

To the friend who left my life, just know I still think about you. I hope you found the love of your life. I hope you're successful in your career. I hope you figured everything out.

I hope you see this one day.
All I want is the best for you...

To the friend who left my life... I'm only one call away.

Home is Where the Heart is

As I sit here in my living room, I start to think about my time here in my amazing hometown of Chicago. I've spent my entire life, almost 21 years, here in the city with the occasional time spent in Athens, Ohio. It's hitting me that this is most likely my last summer here in this house, in this neighborhood, and in this city for many years.

I've never moved out of this house; I've only switched bedrooms. I've lived in this neighborhood my entire life. I've scraped my knees on every single square of cement, thrown racquet balls at countless porch steps, and shot many baskets in my alleyway. I've thrown the pigskin around my front lawn, played running bases between the same two trees, and played baseball at the same mock diamond for 21 years.

This reflection has made me realize that the saying "you are where you come from" is extremely valid. Yes, I know this refers to your family upbringing and cultural ties, but there are many other factors that shape who you are. The countless memories I have on this block is something I think about everytime I drive down the street or the alleyway.

Every time I walk by the tree with the now removed face, I think of the amount of times I slid into first base at the base of the tree. I think of the time J.J. ripped the face off the tree when I was 9. I think of the times Dean, Joey, Reilly, and I would sit in the grass, sharpening sticks and talking about God knows what.

Every time I look in my backyard, I think of the times that Billy, Tom, Charlie, and every guy I know would dunk me in that pool. I think of every cookout the Bells had over 20 years with the same people who became our family. I remember every July 4th where I would sit on my deck, looking at the countless fireworks lighting up the sky. I think of the countless splinters I had, the fireflies I would catch, the sparklers I would line our sidewalk, and the bottle rockets we lit off our deck.

Every time I walk up my steps, I look to my right and see my neighbor's front steps. All the times Dean, Reilly, Joey, Jake and I would grab a racquet ball and play pinners for hours. All the times we would make his sidewalk home plate and play quick games of baseball with that same racquet ball and whiffle bat. All the memories where we've slid into home with bruised knees and scraped legs.

Every time I take out the trash to my alley, I look at the asphalt and think of the hours I spent trying to perfect my jump shot. The hours I would beg Joey to teach me the spider or the hypnotizer. The one and only time I beat Reilly in a one-on-one game with a bank shot from the fence. The time where the guys and I would run down the alley after Jake was hit by a car while on a go-cart.

Every trip I make to Walgreens, I think about the hot summer days where we would trek to the store to grab Gatorade and gum. The days we would sit to wait for the bus to head to Six Corners. The times we would walk to Shabonna to play football in the field.

Every time I look at my house, I think of the days we would sit on my steps years later, catching up and reminiscing. I remember when I saw my mom bring my brother and sister home for the first time. I think of every piece of trash I threw in those bushes after coming home from grade school. I remember every front porch conversation I've had with my parents.

Every time I walk through my house, I remember the old, butt ugly yellow kitchen we used to have. I remember seeing my brother and sister take their first steps. I remember screaming for joy in my dining room when I was accepted into Fenwick, and four years later when I made my decision to go to Ohio.

Although I've gone through a lot of downfalls and negatives in my life, this neighborhood and the memories I have here are some of my greatest moments. This neighborhood is me in a nut shell: beat up but still strong, old but youthful, changing but classic. This place, this block, this house, and these people will always be in my heart, because it's my home. Thank you Chicago for the 20+ years of hospitality, memories, and friends you've given me. Hopefully, I'll be back one day as an older, wiser, and stronger individual, ready to come home for good.

Dear Future Husband, Ignore Meghan Trainor

What I love about hypocrites is that they eventually expose themselves. They preach one thing and say that people need to act a certain way, and then they fulfill those stereotypes they're trying to destroy. Well, Meghan Trainor did JUST THIS with her release of her new music video to her song "Dear Future Husband." Let's just take a look at the lyrics, shall we?

"Take me on a date / I deserve it babe / And don't forget the flowers every anniversary"

News flash: not every woman wants flowers on their anniversary. Who? ME! I don't like flowers. Do I think they're pretty? Yes, but those things would die in approximately two days after receiving them. Save yourself the money, and don't fulfill the stereotype that women want flowers.

"If you treat me right / I'll be the perfect wife / Buying groceries / Buy-buying what you need"

So...being the perfect wife means grocery shopping? That's definitely not what I thought the definition of a perfect wife was. Also, men do grocery shopping, too. My father has gone grocery shopping just as much as my mother. Again, Trainor's pushing for the 1950's housewife stereotype. And this is coming from someone who said to love all bodies....oh, except skinny ones.

"You got to know how to treat me like a lady / even when I'm acting crazy"

Ok, alright. I'll give her this. Women are crazy. So are men, children, gays, lesbians, blacks, whites, latinos, asians. Everyone is crazy. Saying that women are crazy fulfill the stereotype of the "crazy girlfriend," which feminists, as Meghan calls herself, are trying to destroy.

"If you wanna get that special lovin' / tell me I'm beautiful every night"

I would rather be called intelligent, rational, logical, compassionate, loving, caring, or determined instead of beautiful. Women are not as shallow as the stereotype pushes. We are individual human beings that want to acheive our career-oriented or family-oriented goals. We're not just plastic Barbie dolls that are skin deep.

"After every fight / Just apologize / And maybe then I'll let you try and rock my body right / Even if I

was wrong / You know I'm never wrong"

WOA WOA WOA. Hold on, here. Let's take this apart piece by piece. First off, she's rewarding someone caving their beliefs or opinions with sex. Well, that's just a great idea to implant in children's heads. Good job. Secondly, Trainor is saying that the woman is always right. No, we're not. We are not perfect individuals who are always right in an argument. Men and women make mistakes, and women need to admit they're wrong when they're wrong. Stop with the stereotype, Ms. Trainor.

"Make time for me / Don't leave me lonely / And know we'll never see your family more than mine"

WHAT?!?!? Oh my God; are you kidding me? Meghan, what are you doing? You're basically saying that women are dependent creatures who cannot be independent. That's disgusting. Secondly, you will be a terrible wife. You cannot exclude your husband's family from your children's lives. That's terrible! I love both sides of my family, and I would never want one side neglected because of your stereotypical ideals. That's repugnant.

"Don't have a dirty mind / Just be a classy guy / Buy me a ring / Bu-buy me a ring"

Well aren't you just a demanding little lady? First off, men and women are sexual humans. You can't force your husband to stop thinking about sex. Be a classy guy? If you have to demand that out of your husband, then you don't know how to choose men. Period. Finally, buy me a ring? How about you use your millions to get yourself a ring...? You're so demanding.

This song, coming from the woman who was praised as someone who spread the love of body image in her song "All About That Bass," is something that no man should listen to. Not every woman wants to be the stereotypical housewife who cooks and cleans for her husband. Some of us are independent individuals who are career driven and care about their work future, not their familial future.

Don't Stand Up...Unless It's For Your Rights

I've noticed that this blog has become an outlet for me, to release stress and be a healthy way to let myself go in a matter of typing. This month's post is going to be just a tad different than in the past. In case you readers didn't know this, I wrote a piece for Thought Catalog in the summer of 2014. It discussed an issue about being asked, "Why are you still single?"

It's a nice rant for the single ladies as Valentine's Day is coming up, or as I like to refer to it as Single Awareness Day (PDAs are just too real that day, and it needs to go away). Anyway, I just went through something that no woman should ever experience. Unfortunately, I have experienced this now for the fourth time in my life, and it has me questioning things about myself and my personality.

Back in December, I was talking to this one guy, who will stay nameless. We were talking for a few weeks. Here's the twist: we met online, and yes, it was Tinder. Go ahead and judge, but that app is a great way to get an ego boost and meet people. Anyway, we started talking, and he seemed like an alright guy. I wanted to meet the kid just to feel things out. So I asked him if he was free on a Thursday night to grab a bite and just meet up in person. He told me he was available and would meet me at this sub shop back home in Chicago. We agreed to meet up at 8.

I'm at my house getting ready and having my awesome little sister pick out jewelry for me to wear. I realized I was running a little late, so I shot him a text saying I was running behind. He responded, "That's fine. I'll meet you there." I get there around 8:15, and see that he wasn't there. I texted him; no response. I waited about a half hour; again, no response. Another hour goes by; no response. By this time, I am livid and angry that, for the fourth time in my life, I have been stood up.

I drove home after some much needed retail therapy (I also justified it as a way to use the gift cards I got for Christmas). I burst in the door with bags in hand; my mom looks at me and just felt awful for me that she's seen this happen to me four times now.

Men, WHY? Why do you stand up chicks? Do you know how much effort goes into getting ready? That involves putting on a full face of makeup, doing our hair, finding an outfit that isn't a pair of sweats and a hoodie...you just made me waste about two hours of my time.

I wasn't expecting this guy to become a relationship, and that maltreatment of my time and my emotions guaranteed that. What was even worse is that he texted me the next day, completely ignoring what happened. I ignored him for days and weeks until he got the hint. I then found him subtweeting about me and how girls play mind games. Excuse me, but you toyed with my emotions and wasted my time to satisfy whatever you needed to satisfy. And women are the ones who play mind games.

Men, women are not difficult to figure out. We are quite simple. Just don't get us angry, and you will be on easy street. If you've met a girl who is way more complex than that, then I feel so bad for you. For example, as long as you respect my schedule and that I don't feel the need to speak to you every single second of the day, you will do just fine.

If you can't make the date or you feel like you're too nervous (which you know you feel), then just let us know. Just text us. We will be upset that you did make us waste a couple hours, but I know that we would still continuing talking to you because you were honest with us. That's all it takes. Learn your lesson men. You're welcome.

What the Holidays are Really About

December is always a month where everyone just seems to be in a cheerier mood. Why? It's almost Christmas time. Christmas brings out a sense of generosity in everyone to all people. It's a great thing to witness and take part in as well. However, people seem to realize what these holidays really do, and what saddens me is that not everyone can experience this.

The holidays are meant to bring family and friends together and reminisce about the past year. However, so many people have never felt this feeling of what a family truly is, and that hurts my heart. I was blessed to grow up in a loving family with parents who have been together for over 20 years and two amazing little siblings. My parents had in-laws that loved everyone in the family. I have cousins, aunts, and uncles that are all able to get along with loving grandparents.

Just a few weeks before the end of my fall semester of junior year, I was speaking with a friend of mine. They told me that they have never really celebrated the holidays with their family; everyone just goes on with their day as if there's nothing special. They also told me that they have never felt like they are a part of family. There's no unity, trust, or familial aspect to their life.

I have never felt so sad hearing this, and it really made me reflect on my life. I was blessed with a family that, obviously, has its ups and downs but will always be there for anyone in need in the family. I never knew that some people were never blessed with this familial aspect of their life.

I've also read stories on some homeless and less financially fortunate who have no one else in their life to turn to for help. They are truly alone and have nowhere to turn. They stay in raggedy homeless shelters where they can get the necessities, but they have no one to spend a holiday. This is just depressing and sad.

Merry Christmas from Me!

Why am I mentioning all this negativity with just a week before Christmas? To remind you of something. No matter how much wealth or material posessions you have, you will only find true joy in spending some time with someone close to you. That can range from your family to your best friend to a significant other. For those who feel alone, you know that deep down, there is at least one person you can reach out to in your time of need. Connect with someone who you have lost touch with and have a mini-reunion. Enjoy your holidays with just one person that will appreciate that someone cares about them.

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays.

A Sharp Turn Down the Road of Life

Well, as many of you may know, I am out in Omaha, interning at WOWT in the sports department. I'm having the best summer, getting hands-on experience in a newsroom, and living the dream covering some Triple A baseball and the College World Series. Guess what; I'm not there.

After just two days in the newsroom, I started feeling very sick. I could barely keep my eyes open, because the light hurt my eyes. I was fatigued all the time, trying to fit multiple naps in somewhere throughout my day. I couldn't talk, because my throat felt swollen. My head was pounding non-stop; I didn't know what was wrong with me. I thought it was a 24-hour bug so I went in to the station the next day.

I was still not feeling well, but I was better than I was the day before. I went in to the newsroom, and I was trying to find some energy. I was getting weaker and weaker. I was using so much energy to just try and keep my eyes open. I went to a doctor, and they told me it was a sinus infection. They gave me some antibiotics, and I went on my way home.

A couple days later, I was still wasn't feeling well. I ended up getting sick while I was on the job. I went to another doctor, and they gave me different antibiotics. It did nothing; I was getting really upset, because I was missing all these days at the station without getting any better. Finally, my uncle noticed that I was red in the face and not my normal sunburn red. I looked in the mirror, and it looked like I had chicken pox all over my face. I went to a doctor for the third time. They said it was either strep or mono (mind you, I haven't had strep since I had my tonsils and anoids removed when I was 5). Doc came back after running a blood test and told me I had tested positive for mono.

Those were the hardest six words I have ever heard. Those words meant my internship was done, my part time job I had was done, and I would have to come back home to Chicago. I was balling my eyes out, knowing that the summer I was so excited for just disappeared. I went back to my uncle's house and just could not stop crying. I called my boss at the station, and he was really understanding of the whole situation. I was only in the newsroom for four days, and he still offered me the internship for next summer. That was the absolute last thing I expected; I was waiting for a "Well, it was great working with you for a short time. Feel better and enjoy your upcoming school year." Four days and I still received an internship for next summer? I was astounded.

I called my parents, and my mom flew out to come and get me on Father's Day. I just sunk into depression on the entire eight hour drive back to Chicago. Granted, I was given a second chance for next summer, but I wanted it this summer (you will come to find that I can be very impatient). I was so upset at myself for not taking care of my body throughout the entire school year. Instead, I ignored any health problem I had so I could be with friends, study, or be at WOUB on campus.

A month and 20 pounds later, I am almost over this disease. I had red dots all over my body, I lost so much weight, my hearing was damaged, and I slept for practically a month. Blood test after blood test, aspirins, constant visits to doctors; I swear Northwestern Hospital should know me by name by now. All this free time that I've had this month has helped me instead of harmed me, like I originally thought.

I have been spending this time getting healthy as a way to continue my work. I have been writing constantly, whether it's on this blog or it's a sports piece for SportsRants Women. I have been working on my memoirs non stop. While my family went on their vacation, I spent time with my grandfather (by that, I mean he spoiled me). I've found this new strength, both physical and mental, that I've never experienced. This time has taught me to think of each sharp turn down this road of life as the long way to acheiving my goals and aspirations. Eventually, I'll get there with hard work, connections, and a bit of luck. Am I happy I got mono? No, but I am happy with what this disease did to me: open my eyes a bit more and just go along for the drive on this road of life.

Tragedies Keep Rolling

I thought I have experienced a taste of everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. Apparently, life decided to throw a few curveballs my way and blow my mind. Let me give you a bit of a back story just so you know what I mean how I have experienced many things in my short span of life.

First off, over a span of four years, I have lost 13 people that I hold near and dear to my heart. At my young age, I have already lost multiple family members, classmates, and best friends. They have all passed in different ways, ranging from cancer to drug overdose to drowning. This has taken a toll on me emotionally and mentally. I can barely recall the last time I cried, and I have learned to suppress emotion to the point where I can get sick.

Secondly, at the age of 16, my family was on the verge of losing my home. Imagine back to when you were a teenager. You probably did not worry much about family finances, taking care of much younger siblings on a daily basis, or finding ways to help the family save every single penny. Your mind was probably on what you want to do for prom, when you can see your friends this weekend, and what college you will be attending shortly. I was worrying about all the things listed, as well as how I could afford college, athletics, and extracurriculars.

Finally, I did not have one person that I could call a friend until I was 16. Imagine not having a single person that would be with you consistently, through all the ups and downs, good and bad times, and everything in between for 16 years of your life. I was horribly treated by people who I thought were my friends, and the ones that I was close to ended up passing away before I went to high school.

Just recently, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer for the third time in her life. I know that I am on the verge of losing another person that I hold close to my heart and love deeply. I now have to suppress more emotion to not show weakness.

There is a lot more to my story, but I am not here to list my past problems. I am here to help inspire you, the reader. I have experienced many tragedies in my incredibly short lifetime. What is the point of me "whining" to you? To let you know that a tragedy does make you stronger. All these tragedies have taught me three things that I want to pass on to you:

1) Life is way too short for regrets. I lost someone who was only 17 when he passed. He lived life to the fullest, and I am doing the same thing. I do everything with a purpose and a reason, and I will make sure that it gets done.

2) People will come and go from your life, and you must learn how to cope with it. Most of the people that passed away all died the end of my freshman year and beginning of my sophomore year of high school. I had to learn how to still put a smile on my face while internally I was crying and screaming. I learned how to move on when something horrible happens in my life.

3) Love yourself, and surround yourself with people who love you for you. I will be honest: I absolutely hated myself when I was younger. I did not like the person I saw in the mirror every morning. I created a fake personality, fake past, and fake persona to make myself socially acceptable. When I was in my junior year, I met someone that I praise and thank God everyday for being in my life: my best friend. She saved me from myself and introduced me to myself. I met people who loved me for me, not the fasad I had on for almost all of high school. Since then, I now have a better self-image and love me for me.

I know all three of these things sound incredibly generic; they are all true. All three of these things are ideals that have made me love myself again. Now I can wake up every morning with a purpose in life, look in the mirror, and not hate the reflection. It is an incredible feeling that I hope I can pass on to others across the globe. Let all the tragedies that roll into your life make you ten times stronger.